JOURNEY TO HAPPINESS

Charell Star turns pain into purpose By Ellen Donker

Charell Star recently wrote a book titled “Trash Bag Tales & Other Stories from an Accidentally Happy Life." Photo by Julia Maloof Verderosa.

When you talk to Charell Star, it’s like you’re chat­ting with a good friend. She’s bub­bly, upbeat, interested and honest. A Ma­plewood resident since 2017, Star works in marketing and as a lifestyle TV correspondent, having appeared on NBC New York Live, AKC. TV, and Fox Good Day New York, among others. But she’s particularly proud of her advocacy work for children in foster care because she’s been there herself.

Charell Star wrote a book about her journey.

Now Star has written a book, titled “Trash Bag Tales & Other Stories from an Accidentally Hap­py Life.” In it, she traces her journey of child­hood neglect and abuse alongside her resilience that has allowed her to flourish and carve out a life of optimism with her husband, Stephen Chiger, and 3-year-old son, Cole.

Star’s earliest memo­ries go back to her time living with her great-grandmother (her GG) when she felt nothing but love and acceptance. Her con­tented life came to an abrupt end when she awoke to find her belongings stuffed in a black trash bag. Her GG had become sick and with no warning a social worker moved her to a foster home. So be­gan a pattern of moves to foster homes and stints with various family members, including her father and grandmother, coupled with abuse and neglect.

Star was bounced around to many homes un­til the end of fourth grade. Unexpectedly, she was reunited with her mother, who had gotten clean and was able to win custody of her from the state. Moving once again (this time from a caring home), she had to figure out how to be with a parent she barely knew. It was hard. Star felt guilty for getting the supposed “happy ending” while doubting that this new arrangement would work out.

Charell Star in 2nd grade. She was bounced around to many homes during this time.

Given the frequent moves and accompanying trauma, Star’s performance at school could have suffered. Instead, she excelled, saying that school “was the place where I felt the most re­warded and the most safe. My teach­ers, regardless of when I would come in the school year, would just help me get caught up and sometimes move me to the gifted class.” Star immersed herself in her classes and signed up for all the after­school and weekend programs she could find.

Her hard work and grit paid off. As a high achiever, Star was awarded a scholarship to attend a boarding school for high school. Moving from Harlem to a school that was in the middle of a working cattle ranch in Arizona was extremely diffi­cult. Star stood out as a Black scholarship kid in a sea of white faces and was bullied by the other girls.

Combined with her many years of foster care and the open wounds of abuse that she writes were “raw and unad­dressed,” Star says, “I had suicidal thoughts, not just because of board­ing school, but [because of the] things I was just carrying along with me.” An advisor noticed her diffi­culties and helped her connect with other students. She made some close friends who helped her through her struggles.

When it was time to choose a spring sport, Star joined the tennis team. With little money, Star used an old hand-me-down racket from her godmother and bought a tennis skirt from a thrift store. Playing tennis helped her “tune out the noise and the negativity that I was experienc­ing while I was there,” she says. “It helped that I was good at tennis and that I was winning. But it also taught me about how to work with a team, how to play doubles and trust some­one else to have your back.”

Playing on her high school tennis team became Star’s safe space and helped boost her confidence. Star has continued to play tennis as an adult. Photo by Julia Maloof Verderosa.

Having experienced so much dis­appointment over the years, Star ad­mits that trust is something she has had to work on her entire life. She says, “I think that start in boarding school was really what got me on my way.”

After graduation, Star made her way to Boston University, majored in communications and began a ca­reer in public relations. She points to a pivotal moment when she was asked to cover inter­views with Maya An­gelou for a colleague. Having read Angelou’s series of autobiogra­phies starting in fifth grade, Star jumped at the chance.

Star writes that she found solace in Angelou’s story that “put into black and white what the adults around refused to tell me: that life is sometimes a long hard journey, but you’ll find yourself and reinvent yourself along the way.”

At the end of that day, Star asked Angelou to sign her copy of “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.” As An­gelou handed her back the signed book, Star writes that Angelou took her hand and whispered, “You will do well in life if you take people into your trust.”

“It really made a difference in hearing that from someone who [not only had] just met me but someone I had idolized and read everything she had ever written and listened to her talks on NPR,” says Star. “It really changed my outlook.”

Part of that change was realizing in her professional life that it was OK to talk about her childhood trauma and experience in foster care, some­thing she had previously hidden. Rather than checking her baggage at the door, as one boss had advised, Star found value in bringing her “whole self” to a personal or work relation­ship so others could understand her tenacity in overcoming adversity.

Star advocates for the rights and needs of youth in the foster care system and is on the boards of CASA-NYC and City Living NY.

Over time, telling her story became easier for Star. She got involved with Court Appointed Special Ad­vocates of New York City (CASA-NYC), a nonprofit that enlists vol­unteers to advocate that a child receives the services needed to thrive physically, academically and socially. She used her experience to advocate for other youth. She also met a vol­unteer, a filmmaker who recruited her to share her story about her time in the child welfare system in a film series called Feeling Wanted.

Star traveled the country to at­tend screenings and participate in Q&As. “Going from being hesitant to sharing my story to touring all over the country … is really just life changing,” says Star. “It’s been heal­ing for me to say that my pain wasn’t in vain and that it’s leading to real change. But I also love the fact that it’s inspiring other youth to share their stories as well and not be silent about it.”

 In 2021, Star was featured on Humans of New York. It helped raise $140,000 for CASA-NYC.

In 2021, Star had another signifi­cant opportunity to talk about her foster care experience. Brandon Stan­ton interviewed and photographed her for his popular Humans of New York photoblog, which features por­traits and personal stories of people in New York City. With 29 million fol­lowers on Facebook and Instagram, he was able to expand the audience for Star’s story. It helped raise more than $140,000 for CASA-NYC.

So why write a memoir? Star says, “I really thought that if there was a book, it would help other people along. I can’t speak to everyone. I’m just one person, but I feel like a book is a great way to showcase what things look like on the other side.” She aligned its release in May to coincide with Foster Care Awareness Month.

Besides working at Zenith Media, finding creative ways to get brands integrated with consumers, Star ad­vocates for the rights and needs of youth in foster care; serves on the boards of CASA-NYC (as an EVP) and City Living NY; and speaks at CASAs to educate foster parents, youth and judges. She also keeps busy by raising her son with her hus­band. It’s clear that she is plugged into her Maplewood community, playing tennis in a local group and being involved with a mom’s group she met when she and her husband adopted Cole. Asked to name her fa­vorite shops and restaurants in town, she reels off a list that confirms her passion for lifestyle tips (see sidebar).

Reading Star’s book makes you wonder how she was able to emerge from the abuse and tumult that de­fined her early years. She gives the credit to her GG, who modeled stability and love. “I think it’s hav­ing that positive sort of outlook and connection that I got from my great-grandmother, which real­ly has always stayed with me,” she says.

Star is grateful for the early memories she has of her GG. She says, “I just have a really long memory, which actually happens a lot to kids in trauma, where you can remember things in your early child­hood very vividly.” An especially meaningful one is cooking eggs for breakfast with her GG. “I try to do breakfast with [Cole], and we make eggs. And it’s a lovely feeling to still have that memory of her and be able to pass it down to my son.”

Charell Star with son Cole and husband Stephen Chiger. Photo by Julia Maloof Verderosa.

Verderosa.

Star sees now that telling her story has given her life meaning while helping others in the child welfare system. She writes, “I realized that my journey in life had come full circle, and that everything I’d done, survived and overcome had led me right here to the person I was supposed to be. I’d not only found my purpose, but I also saw that life had outfitted me with all the skills I needed to advocate for change in a meaningful way.”

“Trash Bag Tales & Other Stories from an Accidentally Happy Life” can be found wherever books are sold. You can view the docu-series Feeling Wanted, on Kanopy, available through the Maplewood Library and the South Orange Library.

If you are inspired to help youth in the foster care system, scan this QR code to donate to CASA-NYC. Donating helps ensure that more youth are matched with volunteer advocates who will stand by their side, champion their needs and help them navigate the foster care system toward a brighter future.

Lifestyle Expert Charell Star shares her favorite places in Maplewood and South Orange

TRUE SALVAGE has Tapas Nights that Star says are outstanding.

To book your spot, she recommends following True Salvage on Instagram @truesalvagekitchen. Insider tip: Book a private Tapas night if you have a party of 10.

VILLAGE ICE CREAM is a great place for a treat. Star’s son Cole recommends strawberry ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and a cone on top.

CODA has something for everyone in the family. Star has a special love for the Bacon Jam Burger.

PALLET BREWING COMPANY recently opened on Newark Way in Maplewood. Star’s husband Stephen Chiger is a fan of their tasting flight.

THREE DAUGHTERS BAKING CO. makes a tasty cinnamon roll that son Cole gladly devours after soccer practice.

THE BAIRD offers so many ways to stay active, including Star’s favorite, tennis. Check out its schedule of activities.

PERCH HOME at holiday time is a sight to behold. Star likes its gift selection and specialty teas. Cole enjoys its outdoor “rock garden.”

JACKIE & SONS makes killer pancakes and although Star thinks her own are pretty good, she orders them from Jackie & Sons for a birthday treat.

THE CHATTERBOX is a new children's bookshop that Star recommends for books and gifts.

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Ellen Donker admires Charell Star’s grit and determination and how she is using her story for good.