A BLIZZARD OF QUALITY TIME WITH OUR SON

The snow extended our trip and allowed us to see what he had become

By Ellen Donker

We enjoyed a visit with our son Timmy at the Charleston Tea Garden.

Whenever someone hears that my son Timmy lives in Charleston, S.C., they talk about what a beautiful city it is and assume I must go there all the time to visit. Although Timmy has been there for almost eight years, most of it spent in college and grad school, I have been there just a handful of times. I have sometimes felt like a neglectful mother, especially when I compare it to the amount of time I see his siblings. Christian lives in Washington, D.C., a short four-hour trip, and Madeline lives at home.

Of course, during his college years, Timmy came home for breaks and the summer. The few times we tried to visit him at college, our plans were canceled due to a hurricane or some other weather event. Since he ran on the cross country and track teams, our trips to see him would usually be at another university.

After grad school, Timmy often worked weekends, so it was hard to pin down a time to see him. But now he is in a job with conventional hours and asked us to pick a weekend in February to visit. My husband and I chose February 19 to 22. We found an adorable Airbnb close to Timmy’s apartment and the West Ashley Greenway, a 10-mile scenic rail-trail, perfect for morning walks and a stop at a nearby coffee spot before starting our day.

As we got closer to flying down, we started hearing predictions of snow. Then lots of snow. And then a blizzard.

Knowing that these reports are often hyped, we took our chances and flew down on a Thursday afternoon. The weather in Charleston was gorgeous, warm and sunny, and perfect for walking the city’s historic streets and going to some good restaurants with Timmy and his girlfriend Meredith.

By Saturday we knew the predicted storm was real. Spirit Air confirmed it by canceling our Sunday flight. Eventually, we came to terms that the earliest we’d get home was Wednesday evening.

That’s when I rued my decision to leave my laptop at home. As I emailed my writers and editor back and forth to keep the ball rolling on this very issue of Matters Magazine, I finally took the advice of Adrianna Donat to just lean into my extra days off. The work would have to wait.

After a deep exhale, I asked Timmy to help us with a plan for seeing more sights in Charleston for the next few days while he was at work. Because we were tired of going out for every meal, I shopped for groceries and cooked dinner at his apartment for the last two nights. Then we got to sit on Timmy’s couch (his bachelor pad has no dining table), eat and just hang out for a few hours. Those unpressured moments, in contrast to FaceTime calls, are when you learn the most about each other.

The time we spent together in his garden apartment reflected the hopes we had 25 years ago when we looked into our baby’s eyes and wondered who he would grow up to be. Now that I see how they’ve added up, I’m filled with gratitude. Everyone says that the years of raising and guiding a child go by in a flash. It’s true. Watching our son build a career, gain a sense of peace and carve out a life in his adopted city helped us understand just who he has become and where he is headed.

On Wednesday, our plane brought us home safely. I had a thousand details to wrap up to get this issue in your hands. But the unexpected week in Charleston was worth it. My soul was refreshed.